Rating: PG-13 (I seem to have lost my ability to write porn)
Warnings: Absolutely none... this is fluff with no redeeming features except writing stonedShep is fun
Spoilers: Nope. Set mid-late season 1
Notes: threequarters was kind enough to look over this twice for me and reasure me it didn't suck too hard
ETA on 02.11.10 - reena_jenkins has recorded a podfic here. *beams*
In which aliens don’t make them do it, because they’re already doing it; Sheppard gets high; and Ford may need to wash his eyes out – with bleach
Lieutenant Aiden Ford USMC was having a bad day. The puddlejumper had broken down in the middle of nowhere and he’d had to trek seven miles. On its own that wasn’t too bad and normally he would have quite liked the exercise, but that was before you factored in that it was seven miles through a swamp.
Seven miles through a swamp with Dr Rodney McKay.
Then, just as they’d escaped from the swamp, he’d been held up at knifepoint, robbed of all his weapons, and his C4, and thrown into a tiny, poorly lit hut.
With Dr Rodney McKay.
Things had begun to look up about two hours ago, when the guards returned and threw Teyla in with them. Anymore alone time with McKay and Aiden knew he would have gone mad; that or he would have told their captors whatever the hell they wanted to know just to get away.
The day went downhill again when Teyla told them that Major Sheppard had also been captured, and she didn’t know where he’d been taken. McKay had gone weirdly quiet after that.
Aiden was sitting on the gritty floor of the hut, back pressed against the uneven, bamboo walls, thinking about his grandmother, when the door opened and someone was thrust into the room.
“Oh, thank God,” he heard McKay say and he pushed himself to his feet.
“Major, are you alright?”
Major Sheppard weaved haphazardly for a moment then blinked around the room. “Hey guys!” he said happily.
“Major..?” McKay sounded uncertain, and Aiden didn’t blame him. Something was definitely not right, but at least the Major looked okay; a bit muddy and ruffled, and there were cuts on his face, presumably from his capture, but he didn’t look like he’d been tortured.
The Major swung round to face McKay, arms outstretched. “Rodney! Rodney, Rodney, Rodney.” He stumbled forward and wrapped his arms around McKay’s neck. “Rodney, Rodney, Rodney. You have a funny name, Rodney.”
McKay blinked, blinked again, then carefully untangled himself, keeping a hand on Major Sheppard’s arm to hold him up. “Major, are you high?”
Major Sheppard giggled. Aiden closed his eyes and slid back down the wall. This was going to be embarrassing.
The Major giggled again, he leaned close to McKay, practically resting his head on McKay’s shoulder. “Maybe a little,” he stage-whispered.
“Major Sheppard?” Teyla rose nymph-like from her crouch. “What have they done to you?”
“Teyla!” Major Sheppard looked as if he were going to launch for her next, but luckily McKay got an arm around his waist and held him still. The Major swayed forward anyway and McKay lowered them both down so they were sitting on the floor. Sheppard didn’t seem to notice. “Those guys sure know how to party.”
The corner of her lip twitched, “No, I do not believe they do.”
“Hmm.” Sheppard shrugged elaborately. “No. Maybe not partying. But their torture’s a hell of a lot nicer than some I’ve known.”
“Did they hurt you?” McKay’s voice was steelier than Aiden had ever heard, and it clearly penetrated Major Sheppard’s muffled brain.
“No,” he turned around and pressed close to McKay’s side, looping an arm back around his neck, “They just stuck me in a little room, waved some smoke at me and asked me questions.”
Oh, that so couldn’t be good. “What did you tell them, sir?”
“Nothing, Lieutenant.” Sheppard drawled, “Name, rank and serial number. Lots and lots of times,” he laughed, “Lots and lots of times.”
“You didn’t tell them anything about Atlantis?” Aiden didn’t really think the Major would, but with Sheppard out of commission he was in charge here -- which really wasn’t as cool as he’d thought it’d be.
Sheppard shrugged, “Don’t think he trusts me,” he whispered to McKay’s neck. Aiden had to marvel at how patient McKay was being with him. He’d seen McKay flinch when small children tried to hold his hand, yet here he was letting Major Sheppard crawl all over him.
“None of them trust me really.” Sheppard continued, and the happy tone was gone, “They think I killed Sumner to get his job.”
Aiden felt like he’d been slapped. He’d heard a couple of guys, those who had been closest to Colonel Sumner, say something like that at the beginning, but he didn’t think Sheppard knew. And he didn’t think Sheppard would class him with those idiots. “Sir, I…” he started, but McKay caught his eye and shook his head.
“Hush,” McKay murmured to Sheppard, rubbing a hand slowly up and down his back, “That’s the freaky alien torture drug talking, not you.”
Sheppard murmured something Aiden didn’t catch and pressed closer to McKay’s body. They were comfortable together, Aiden realised. McKay didn’t look freaked out at becoming the Major’s security blanket, because he wasn’t. Aiden decided to stop that thought right there. He glanced across at Teyla and found her smiling softly.
“Major,” Aiden asked, “Did they tell you what they want? When they’re going to let us go? Anything like that?”
“Uh…” Sheppard screwed up his forehead with effort, “I don’t think so. They don’t seem too bad really. They gave me drugs.”
McKay rolled his eyes, “Not too bad? You don’t even know what this stuff is… it could have side effects.”
Sheppard laughed, “It’s hash, Rodney. I’d know that smell anywhere, a remnant of my misspent youth,” he twisted round so he was facing the room again looking at Aiden and coincidently starting to slide downwards until his head rested on McKay’s thigh, “You have a misspent youth, Lieutenant?”
“I don’t think so, sir. “
That made Sheppard’s expression go dreamy. Dreamier. “You should. They’re fun. Don’t go to the Wikman bathhouse though, they don’t wash the towels.”
Aiden choked, “What? The where sir?”
“Wickman. Spent many a happy afternoon there. San Francisco was a damn good place to grow up, Ford, don’t let anyone tell you different.”
“Major…” McKay hissed, his tone warning.
Sheppard grinned up at him, “I’m lying in your lap, Rodney, I think he knows.”
Aiden nearly swallowed his tongue. He hadn’t known. Suspecting is a long way from knowing. “You’re, er, you’re not supposed to tell me that, sir.”
“I’m not telling, I’m not saying anything at all. You’re surmising. There’s no rule against surmising.” He grinned up at McKay again, his smile gone feral, “I like a good surmise.”
“John! For goodness sake. You’re going to get yourself beaten up.” McKay sounded desperate.
Sheppard pushed away, staggering to his feet, “Ford and Teyla are my friends, Rodney. I don’t like lying to them. I’m… I’m sick of lying to people.”
Sheppard’s face went grey and he swayed, crumpling to the floor in a messy heap. He landed on his hands and knees and McKay cursed, scrambling forward and putting a hand between Sheppard’s shoulders.
Sheppard shook his head, “Fuck.”
“What? Are you going to be sick? Oh, God, you are, aren’t you…?”
“R’dney. I… dizzy. That’s all.” Sheppard reached out and gripped McKay’s hand, hard enough that both their knuckles turned white.
“Okay, okay, come here.” McKay manoeuvred Sheppard round so their backs were against the nearest wall, letting Sheppard twist around and hang on to him.
“Is dizziness a symptom of this… hash?” Teyla asked. She wasn’t batting an eyelash at her team leader wrapped around another guy. Aiden tried to follow her example.
“I don’t think so…” He’d never smoked weed. His grandparents brought him up to believe it was wrong and while he’d never really cared when other people did it, he’d never wanted to do it himself.
McKay interrupted him. “It depends how much you take and judging by the state of him I’d say that’s a lot. Was there a lot of smoke, John?”
The reply was muffled, “Think so. Lots of smoke. God, Rodney, so dizzy.”
“I know,” McKay was stroking his hair, “It’ll pass. Seriously though, if you’re going to hurl, tell me.”
Sheppard nodded and they fell into silence, broken occasionally by Sheppard murmuring something and McKay whispering a response straight into his ear.
Night descended quickly and the inside of the hut got even darker. Aiden and Teyla both shifted closer to McKay and Sheppard, lending support for whatever the night might bring. Sheppard was breathing regularly, clearly asleep, face pressed into McKay’s neck.
“You okay?” Aiden whispered to McKay, “Not getting cramped?”
McKay’s lips twisted into a wry smile. “I’m so far past cramped that it would be a relief, Lieutenant.”
“You could probably… I mean he probably wouldn’t wake up if you just lay him down.” Aiden told himself he was only suggesting that to help McKay, not because seeing Sheppard vulnerable like this was making him uncomfortable.
McKay shook his head, “No. This is fine.” He touched Sheppard’s hair, seemingly unconsciously, and his smile became softer. Aiden looked away.
Teyla broke the resulting silence by yawning softly, and declaring, “I do not believe we will be disturbed tonight, but if you feel we should keep guard Lieutenant I would be happy to take first watch.”
“No,” Aiden shook his head, “That’s okay. I don’t think they’ll bother with us tonight either. And if they do there’s not much we can do even with warning. It’d be better if we got some sleep.”
“Here, here.” Came a sleepy voice from the vicinity of McKay’s chest, “Totally agree. Sleep is the way to go.” Sheppard tipped his head back and looked up at McKay, “Look at our little Ford, all grown up and making decisions. Makes me proud.”
Aiden felt himself flush and hoped it was too dark to see. “Right, so, sleep.” he said quickly.
Telya nodded and stretched out on the ground, arching her back a little as she yawned. Aiden forced himself to look away.
From his other side he heard McKay grouching. “Okay, for sleep to happen you’re going to have to let go of me.”
“Can’t,” Sheppard’s tone was serious. “If I let go I might float away.”
“Okay, fine. But let go for a second, okay?” Aiden watched, amused despite himself, as McKay quickly stripped out of his jacket, folded it neatly and lay down so it made a kind of pillow. Sheppard squinted at him.
“What about me? Don’t I get a pillow?”
“You get me.” McKay said, pulling him down so Sheppard’s head was on his chest, “Just don’t think I’m going to make a habit of being this self-sacrificing.”
Sheppard laughed and lay down, “Aww, shucks. You must really love me, Rodney.”
McKay went silent for a full second, when he spoke his voice was brusque, “Shut up and go to sleep.”
“Don’t you love me, Rodney?” Sheppard wheedled, “Say you love me.”
“Please shut up.”
“Don’t you love me?” Much quieter, almost upset, and McKay groaned.
“I love you very much, Major. Now please, shut the hell up and go to sleep.”
“’Kay.” Ford pretended to himself that there was no way his CO was really snuggling. “I’m not sure I like being this high, Rodney.”
“You’ll feel better in the morning. I just hope they let us go before you get the munchies. I only have seven powerbars left.”
Aiden woke at dawn, eyes snapping open and mind racing as he struggled to find what had awakened him. His gut unclenched slightly as he realised it was only familiar voices inside the hut.
“How are you feeling, anyway?” McKay was asking. He was clearly trying to whisper, but McKay’s whisper was not very quiet.
Sheppard sounded a lot more like Sheppard this morning, “Hungry.”
“I told you, I don’t have many powerbars left…”
“Rodney,” Sheppard did something to make McKay squeak. Aiden did his best not to think what that might be. “Not that kind of hungry,”
“Yes, well,” McKay sounded flustered, “This isn’t really the place…”
Sheppard dropped his voice to something husky, “Hash makes me horny.”
McKay laughed, “Everything makes you horny. You’re insatiable.”
Oh God, Aiden didn’t need to know that.
“You’re complaining?” Sheppard sounded incredulous.
“Not ordinarily, but at the moment it’s a bit of a moot point. We’re locked in a hostile alien hut, and the others might wake up at any minute. Not that that matters I don’t suppose, you outed us very effectively yesterday.”
“Yeah…” Sheppard suddenly sounded serious. “I’m really sorry about that, Rodney. If you get any shit I’ll…”
“Oh come on.” McKay sounded exasperated, which made Aiden feel much better. “You’re not that much of an idiot, I’m not worried about me. Nobody cares if the scientists are queer. I’m worried about you; they could really hurt you, John. And I’m not just talking about your career.”
“Rodney…” Sheppard sighed and Aiden risked a glance over at them. Sheppard was lying close against McKay’s side, head propped up on one hand, other hand tracing idle patterns on McKay’s chest. “It’ll be okay. Teyla won’t talk about us behind our backs and Ford’s a good kid, he won’t tell…”
“He might have to. It’s against your stupid damn laws remember. Your great and powerful military sat on their pompous asses and decided it’s illegal for us to be together.”
“Hey, it’s not that simple…”
“Really? Because from where I’m standing it really, really is. Now, Ford is awake and unless you want him to have to scrub his mind with bleach when we get home I suggest you get off me.”
Sheppard turned slowly and Aiden felt himself blush as he caught his eye, “Sorry sir, I…”
“It’s okay, Lieutenant.” Sheppard said easily. “Guess it’s time we got up and about anyway.”
He rolled away from Dr McKay and got to his feet, starting to explore the room, “Huh, nice little prison this. Very homey.”
“Sir,” Aiden didn’t know what to say, but felt he should say something. “I’m not going to tell anyone.”
Sheppard stopped, but didn’t turn around, “I can’t tell you what to do over this, Lieutenant, it has to be your decision. I’m sorry I put you in this position.”
“You were high, sir. They slipped you something. For all I know you might have been hallucinating and Dr McKay was just humouring you. I don’t really know anything, sir.”
Sheppard turned to face him, he was smiling more sincerely than Aiden had ever seen him do before and if he’d still been high Aiden was fairly certain he would have been launched upon at that point. Instead, all Sheppard said was “Dr McKay has never humoured anyone.”
Then Teyla woke up and they started talking about possible escape plans.
In the end, it turned out they didn’t need any cunning plans to escape, which was lucky because they didn’t have any. A couple of very pretty girls brought them some breakfast an hour or so later, and once the trays were taken away again, one of the Motols, a high priest or something judging by his clothing, arrived.
“Good morning,” he said pleasantly enough, “You are now free to go.”
Aiden was all for just getting up and going, but McKay – obviously – had to argue. “Excuse me? You lock us in a hut, get one of us stoned, then just like that we’re free to go.”
“As I informed your companion last night,” the priest explained, nodding at Sheppard, “We simply wished to ensure that you were indeed peaceful explorers and that you did not mean us harm. If you had a way of contacting the Wraith we felt you would do so if you felt threatened, and we would be able to intercept the signal because we were prepared. Did Major Sheppard not tell you?”
“Huh.” Sheppard shook his head, “You really told me all that.”
The priest inclined his head, “We did.”
“See, I don’t remember that. Possibly because you fed me drugs.”
“We had hoped they would loosen your tongue, however we procured no further information.”
“That’s because I was telling the truth.”
“As we have now discovered.” The priest agreed graciously.
“So we may go?” Teyla asked.
The priest smiled at her, “Yes, with apologies for the inconvenience.”
“Apologies for the inconvenience…” McKay muttered, and Aiden shared a look with Sheppard. They both rolled their eyes. “That’s all well and good but you obviously don’t realise how important I am. Atlantis will probably have ground to a halt, just as long as they haven’t let Kavanagh…”
“Rodney…” Sheppard drawled.
“Not to mention the fact I have hypoglycaemia. If breakfast had been ten minutes later you would have had a dead genius on your hands.”
“Come on, genius.” Sheppard gripped McKay’s elbow firmly, “Let’s get you home so you can tell Zelenka everything he’s done wrong in the last twenty-four hours.”
“Ha, it would be easier to tell him what he’s done right…”
McKay’s voice faded away as he and Sheppard set off up the hill, Aiden picked up his pack and squinted after them. Silhouetted against the rising sun, heads tipped in together as they talked, they looked surprisingly right.
“Lieutenant?” Telya stepped up beside him, “Shall we?”
“Absolutely.” He smiled at her, and she smiled back. With a flourish worthy of Major Sheppard, he bowed, making her laugh, “After you.”